Interactive net.madness in the superhero genre! Visit rec.arts.comics.creative for more!
Who will be your - LNH Dream Date!
[ A nine-year-old girl with brown hair holds up a bunch of cards with LNHers on them in glamour-shot poses. ]
Collect Consumerism Tokens to buy outfits!
[ A redheaded girl holds up two cards with dresses ] Pink spandex, or pink trenchcoat?
Reveal your date’s secret origin and see if they’re an A-lister— or the comic relief!
[ A blonde girl reads a card ] He got bitten by a radioactive platypus? Like, no way!
Get kidnapped for extra Peril Points!
[ The redhead goes, ] “Uh-oh! Stuffed in a fridge! Lose a turn!”
Then press the Pop-o-Matic Hologram Projector to reveal the hero of your dreams!
[ The brunette pops up Ultimate Mercenary. ] “Aw, I got the dud!”
[ They all giggle and throw pillows. ]
"LNH Dream Date! Definitely not part of an evil plan to instill disturbingly monolithic and limited ideas of femininity, the role of a teenage girl in society, and the ultimate, inescapable necessity of having a man in your life via post-hypnotic signals!"
[ All three girls turn around and say, ] “This date is going to go super!”
The cover shows several people in elaborate cosplay - a Gundam, a fancytier Homestuck troll, a fully-geared World of Warcraft character - putting hands on hips and frowning at a man in a T-shirt and jeans. He’s giving a shrug and an ‘Uh-oh!’ expression.
Caption box in the lower right: [ Costume Designers hate him! One weird trick for improving economic justice! ]
The cover features a seven-teired mountain with tiny versions of LNHers, often wearing diapers or holding teddy bears, hanging off of it. At the bottom stands a figure in supervillainous armor, who has removed his spiky helmet and is looking up with a sense of wonder.
Kid Enthusiastic, wearing towel around his waist and a shower cap (over his normal costume) is standing in a shower and holding his hands up over his face. Out of the shower head, cats of all colors and shapes - black, white, gray, calico, Siamese, you name it - are spraying all over him.
Kid E: Bouncing Bastet! Someone has replaced Net.ropolis’s water supply with CATS!
Cat On Kid E’s Face: Mrrowwl!
Caption box in lower right: [ When a feline flood hijacks the municipal water system, can the LNH Subgroup Without a Name track down the culprit before the city is faced with total cat-astrophe? Find out in… IT’S RAINING CATS AND MORE CATS! ]
The LNH Subgroup Without a Name is playing an incredibly elaborate board game - something like Mousetrap mixed with Arkham Horror. Kid Enthusiastic is reading off a card.
Kid E: The genus of his favorite stuffed dinosaur when he was seven!
Carmine: Would that perchance to be… ankylosaurus?
Casey: How was a trivia game about my life in this ten-thousand-year-old box!? And how am I LOSING?
Caption box in the lower right: [Read along with our heroes, and see if you can answer the question of the… ANTEDILUVIAL PURSUIT!]
A mob, holding dollar bills in their clenched fists, is chasing the LNH Subgroup Without a Name down a set of small-town streets. Outlined in the starry sky above is a malevolent, devilish figure, holding a telethon-style board with numbers rolling upward towards a million dollars.
FIGURE: Ten thousand more to go and we’ll reach our final stretch goal - the DEATH of the LNH SUBGROUP WITHOUT A NAME!
CASEY: I try to be hip, and act like the crowd—
MALA: But the crowd can’t help me against the crowd-powered STARKICKER!
Shining Tungsten Magister is wearing fluffy pale blue one-piece footie pajamas with horns and Godzilla-esque spikes. She turned toward the viewer as Casey puts a hand on her shoulder. In the background is a rack of similar costumes in different colors and with different cute animal features.
CASEY: But why do you go out into battle every night - wearing a different kigurumi!?
MALA: I can’t tell you, but - I must!
CAPTION: [ What secret lies beneath the disguise pajamas? Who has painted the palette of THE RAINBOW KIGURUMI? ]
The Devil (a cute anime girl with red hair, horns and bat wings) stands facing us, stage right, in a flame-red tux. In one hand, she holds a saxophone; in the other, a wallscroll with a frozen, struggling Kid Enthusiastic on it. The Crimson @venger, stage left, is wearing a pinstripe tux with her trademark glowing punctuation all over it.
DEVIL: If you can defeat the Moe Devil in a freestyle jazz-off, I’ll free your friend! If not, you’ll be trapped in one of my Body Pillows of Doom for all eternity!
CRIMSON @VENGER: Then, O adversary, let us blow!
CAPTION: [ Can Carmine counter the crafty crooner of cute chaos? Find out, in SWING-SHIFT SATAN! ]
A five-year-old wearing a bright red jumpsuit with a blue septagon on the chest and the letters ‘KE’ in it, standing in a heroic ‘arms akimbo’ pose in the middle of the cover with rays of light radiating from him: “Whenever I say the name ‘Kid Enthusiastic’, I get all your powers!”
In the foreground, looking at the five-year-old with a shocked expression on his face and reaching out in confusion, is Kid Enthusiastic. “But— I don’t have any powers!”
A caption box in the lower right: [ What is the secret of the Perky Pre-Pubescent’s miniature mimic!? Is the world ready for KID ENTHUSIASTIC DOUBLE-JUNIOR!? ]
Author’s Note: Yeah, making up another super short-short series, this time for fake covers. I’ve actually had these floating around for a while, so I’ll post ‘em one by one when I have the chance. If you have your own idea for a ridiculous cover, feel free to join in!